WINNING

WINNING

Don’t confuse winning to success. There can be an enormous difference in-between the two.

When I first started playing Little League baseball, the first coach I encountered believed the only goal noteworthy was to win. He said it over and over again. Winning is what the game is all about. Losers were forgotten, and winners celebrate. That was it. Do whatever it took, but win. There were no other options. The coach played all his favorite players, the rest of us got little or no playing time, and the team suffered and ended up having a losing season.

My next mentor had an entirely different approach. He wanted to teach us how to play the game, and had the philosophy if you enjoyed yourself and had a good time, the wins would come, but winning wasn’t our only hope. We had a fantastic year. Everyone on the team played, there were no favorites, and we had a ball. We did have a few kids that were remarkably good, but they wanted to help the rest of us get better.  When I started I wasn’t good, but by the end of that year I understood the game, how to hold the bat, catch the ball and even hit that little white thing they throw at the plate.

In school, I had many different teachers using antiquated methods of teaching from the book, but the ones that stood out, the teachers that to this day are remembered, taught from the heart. They cared about me and other classmates, and didn’t give a hoot about winning them over with an apple. The teachers I remember the most, cared about what we thought and felt. It was a class event.

In the work force, it worked the same way. Winning wasn’t always the answer, and by not winning you could learn how to create a different result from a distinctive and fresh direction, which in the end would have better results than what won.

In life, there are and always will be winners and losers. Some just fall into the gold while others work their tails off to get close. The issue isn’t how we got to our destination; it’s how we did it. Were we honest, or did we walk over a few bodies that slipped or got in the way?

Winning is a play on words. Oh don’t get me wrong. We all want to win at whatever we do. A better word is success. You can be a winner and still be a loser.  You can be methodical, caring and not have the must-win attitude and still become quite successful. Ok, so you may not have the winning mentality, but guess what – you don’t need it. I’ve met a lot of guys over the years who had the winning goal, the must win at all cost foolishness, and most of them forgot how to live life or have a good time. Are they winners? Maybe. Did they earn a lot of money? Probably, but are they wealthy? Most likely they are not wealthy but empty shells. To find wealth, you first need to know how to live, share and give back. Winning and success don’t necessarily go together.

I’ve known a few who sacrificed relationships to achieve means only to realize how lonely it was when they got there. In most cases, it was too late to go back and patch a broken relationship once they had been crushed.

Winning isn’t to see how much money you have. A true winner is comfortable in life, has developed a method to compartmentalize time and then has learned how to use it with family, children, friends, and business colleagues.

A happily married man or women didn’t step out to win a partner. They created a loving relationship, and then learned how to cultivate it. A secure family didn’t fall off a winning cart, it was developed gradually, and the kinks that popped up here and there were worked out. Relationships require time and lots of patience. Couples often use phrases like "thank you," "I apologize," or even better "I’m sorry," to resolve issues that have caused them to cross into an unsolvable argument. They also learned to listen to one another with both ears.

Life is a long road, not a winning road. How many times have you heard someone say the war was won, but everything was lost?

Peace, for the most part, isn’t won, it’s developed. You can’t earn trust by winning someone over, you first need to develop honesty and from there, build trust both sides can be satisfied with.

In the urgency to win the race, we get blindsided. Winning becomes the only thing relevant, only it isn’t the most important by a long shot. Life can be revered and thoroughly enjoyed, but you can’t win a life over with false and empty promises.

Sadly winning has been bred into our hearts and minds. In sports, winning is all that matters. In politics, it gets even worse. You must win in wars and battles, as there apparently is no other way. Countries must prevail over their opponents as compromise has long been forgotten. Unions fight to win over non-members, and there are those who actually believe you can win over something with monetary compensation.

History shows us that winning doesn’t breed success, it only means someone came out in front of the other. Sadly if, someone cheated to win, the end results are often tipped upside down.

Success means just that, there was a successful resolution to whatever the issue was, and both sides walked away happy, or solidly satisfied. That would be unprecedented.

A lasting peace doesn’t come from winning, it comes from building a foundation that all can benefit from. You can win a race, but would you stop to help a fallen runner and lose? The winner can boast, and pump a fist in victory, but the one who stopped to help a fellow individual will carry that success within for the rest of their life. They didn’t win, but they were most than successful.

We didn’t have the makings of a championship baseball team when I look back; we had a gifted teacher who made the whole experience fun. I learned a life-lesson of patience, and have tried to pass it on and share with others as often as possible.

Winning isn’t everything. Oh sure, if feels good to win and I won’t take that away from anyone, but there are times when winning is the least of importance to life.

You can’t win life, love or a relationship. You can force things to happen and generate winning results, but that never brings peace or happiness, it leaves pain and anger on the list to be dealt with later. Later usually ends badly for one side or the other.

Winning isn’t the same as being successful. Being successful doesn’t mean riches come easily, but it does clarify whatever the journey was to get there, was worth it. The answer is peaceful and full of meaning.

You may not win anything, but if you are successful in life, you are without a doubt, happy, content, and prosperous. When sleep arrives, you know how to unwind a peaceful heart.

DREAM BIG

DREAM BIG

Remembering back, I had this teacher who wasn’t very good, taught by the book and hoped the class would just read and answer all the questions correctly. She once told us to give up dreams as they never come true, and it would behoove us all to cracks the books, listen to her, and get better grades.

I was young and easily impressed. She neither impressed, nor excited me to learn anything. When I told my grandpa what she said, he laughed. I often talk about my grandpa because he left such an incredible imprint on my life and most of his input invariably turned out to be factual and true. He told me to dream big and never let anyone stop me from achieving my goal.

The world is full of dreamers. Some actually dream the dream and let it go at that. Others take the dream to a new level and attempt to make it happen. A select few reach higher and live the dream.

When I started driving, I bought a car that had blown the clutch and sat on the car lot for over a year. I kept stopping by to look at it knowing it was out of my price range. The price dropped one day, and I had to ask. I had dreamt of driving that car for a long time, but couldn’t quite come to terms of ever owning it. The owner told me about the clutch, and I boldly told him I could fix it. He said that would never happen but sold the car to me anyway. It cost thirty-five dollars, what he would have gotten from the junkyard. He admitted he was dumping the car, but if I really wanted it, it was mine.

I was sixteen and didn’t own a car, so a friend helped me tow it home. My treasure was quite beautiful and original 1946 Ford coupe. My father laughed and told me he’d give it a month, either fix it or tow it to the junkyard because he didn’t want it sitting in our backyard. My grandpa told me to visit the local garage and ask questions, so I did. I drove the mechanic, who also owned the repair shop nuts. Finally, out of desperation, he told me to come in after the shop closed, and he’d show me what I had to do. After he mentioned I had to drop the entire rear end out and remove the transmission to get to the clutch, the dream of driving the car slipped further away. I was about to admit it was a mistake when grandpa made the task of fixing the car sound like fun. I asked the mechanic if I could rent his shop at night, so I could work on the car. He was curious and agreed to my request.

I bought a repair book, towed the car to the garage and started to work. I had a dream and the more I worked on that car the closer the reality of that dream became. It took one month and two days. Every morning I had to pull the car out of the garage and pushed it against the wall until he closed. Then we’d push it back inside and go to work. A friend helped. He laughed a lot, held wrenches and flashlights but refused to get his hands dirty. The repair book warned about releasing the springs and that warning saved my life. When the bolt came out, the spring was released and slammed to the ground with such force is left an imprint. The new clutch cost me nine dollars. It went right in just like the book said it would. Putting the car back together was much easier than taking it apart.

Grandpa and the mechanic watched when I lowered the car, got in and started it. I pressed the clutch in, put the car in reverse, and it purred from the garage to a standing ovation. All the mechanics, customers and a few strangers who had heard about my car and the story of what I wanted to do. The mechanic stared me right in the eye and nodded in agreement with my grandpa, dreams to come true with a little elbow grease. I drove my forty-four dollar car for six wonderful months and then met this guy who loved my car more than his. He drove a 1940 Ford Coupe, and it was as clean as mine, only older and far cooler. He bought my car and gave me his. I kept that one for years and drove it up Pikes Peak on my honeymoon.

Grandpa taught me a tough lesson. You can dream but there comes a time you need to do something to fulfill it. You can dream of owning a new pair of tennis shoes or save and strive to buy a pair.

As you get older, the yearning grows and so do the needs. Education becomes paramount, and some can’t afford to get one. Well, that’s not true. For those who don’t have rich parents or relatives the dream of a college education is still possible. You just might have to work your way through it. If the dream is strong enough, you’ll do it.

Dreams create success. They mold your being and create character. Dreams are not meant to be broken or out of reach. Sometimes we dream big, and that’s okay too. The bigger the dream the more expansive the desire and goals become. Dream high and then reach higher with expectations.

It might start with an education, graduate into clothes, housing and a job. You can dream about that job too. What’s in your heart? What do you really want to do with your life? The key phrase here is “really want” as that defines what’s in your heart not necessarily what’s in your head. You can use that clutter in the head, but the heart drives you to happiness. A happy dreamer is someone who smiles often, lives life daily, fulfills the goals one at a time and knows if there are limitations. A realist, who perfects dreams, is rare but when the two meet it's not only doable but usually very successful as well.

The odds against us are at times insurmountable, and yet they alone should never stop you from trying. Grandpa once told me no one had ever promised me success at anything. Success, if you are self-made, comes from hard work. Can you do it? Of course you can.

Regardless of what someone asked me, my answer was yes. Can you ride a horse? My answer was yes I can. If I didn’t know how, I took a crash course. As an actor I was asked if I could drive a minor stunt vehicle. I said I could and I did. One producer complained about a script scene. The writer sold his script outright and was long gone. His original work was re-written by half a dozen guys and none were professional writers, so I told them I could straighten it out, and I did. I got an agent when I was told it was impossible, waited 12 hours to meet a director and got the job. I sought help from a major star and a big time editor, and they agreed to do it. I was a dreamer who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Can you own a nice car, big home or earn a substantial income? Yes, you can. If I had thought along the way that something was impossible, my book of life would have many blank pages. I like to help others, offer a bit of advice now and then and have never learned how not to reach beyond the stars. As an actor I’ve had a ball. Was I a star, no that didn’t stop or discourage me? As a screenwriter I’ve had wonderful success. Again, have I ever written a blockbuster runaway hit? No, but some of my films have great reviews, are loved all over the world and most have been financially successful, and the same goes for filmmaking and novel writing. As a film director and producer, I’ve done the impossible, turned small ideas into bigger ones and have an excellent track record. The novels have been rewarding and enormous fun. I have a super fan base, have found my author’s voice, received rewarding reviews and have created lots of smiles. It’s fun to bring some happiness into many lives, and nice that it all started from a dream.

The salient point is it doesn’t matter what others think of you or the negative things they might say about you, never let anyone speak for you or on your behalf. Be your own person. Do what your heart desires. Be happy, smile often, share frequently, walk slowly through life and enjoy every step taken.

My grandfather stated you start with a dream and then build life from there. While he said this to me before Martin Luther King, Jr. famous 1963 speech I HAVE A DREAM, grandpa’s advice was right on. The great Civil Rights Baptist minister had a much broader dream that spoke of hope and togetherness, and it still resonates with some of the same meanings my grandpa instilled in me early on.

I have always had a dream and still do, and yes that aspiration is obtainable regardless of the obstacles that tumble before you.

William Byron Hillman © 2012

Web site: http://www.williamhillman.com

Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/author/williamhillman

Book Links:

Quigley’s Christmas Adventure (late November 2012)

Let’s Sue ‘Em http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009M9E790

Veronique and Murray: http://tinyurl.com/8xrmmu7

The Hard Way: http://tinyurl.com/86hgtz6

Zebra’s Rock and Me http://tinyurl.com/7b28qu6

Rollie Kemp Books

Ghosts and Phantoms Part I: http://tinyurl.com/6wxef7g

Ghosts and Phantoms Part II: http://tinyurl.com/d7mtspu

APRIL: http://tinyurl.com/7gt9prd

Coming soon: Rollie Kemp’s 4th thriller - Bad Rap (January 2013)

PERSONAL INSPIRATION

PERSONAL INSPIRATION

When we think of inspiration most think of political personalities that helped us build a foundation, but unfortunately most if not all of us have never had an up close and personal relationship with any of these people.

On a personal basis, I often think of whom I owe a deep share of gratitude to for helping mold my life and find the person I am so comfortable with. If we aren’t satisfied with our person, it becomes very difficult for us to teach and offer assistance to others. Being at ease with one’s skin takes time and patience, and usually we have someone who took the time to offer us encouragement.

I’m not talking about a pat on the back. I’m speaking of finding out that you are different and then learning how to be comfortable and successful with that person. It’s hard to understand there is no one else like you. There is only one you.

I remember back in junior high school. I had this teacher named Ton. Mr. Ton loved teaching. He came in early and left late. He gave his time freely and answered questions with explanations we all understood. He made learning unique and special. He knew how to tease the mind into having the need to know answers and then be satisfied with discovery. In one of the classrooms, the blackboards circled the room in a horseshoe. When most teachers just ambled on endlessly with the written word, Mr. Ton drew pictures and taught with excitement. He electrified the class, even the boys who didn’t want to participate, got involved. He drew us in. We listened. We learned and found a love to read and expand the mind. He was a great teacher.

Like many children growing up in a dysfunctional family, my mother was too busy in her mind to make room for children in need of nourishing. My father, again like many, was never around. He worked mostly to stay away from the house. I was lucky. I had a grandfather who cared. When my mom called me, a black sheep, meant to hurt me, my grandfather took me for a walk and explained how unique a black sheep was. A black sheep could be a leader. He stood out and was proud, and best of all the other sheep looked up to him. Instead of crawling into a shell and all but forgotten I learned to stand tall, accept whatever came before me and dealt with it. My grandpa was by far, the most important person in my life. He was my personal inspiration. Through him and his memory I have been blessed to share his teachings, patience and joy for life.

As we get older and drift into the workforce, few have time to help you find what’s inside. If you don’t know yourself by the time you get into your twenties, chances are you might never know the potential that lies just beneath the surface of the skin. Sadly, it requires inspiration from somewhere or someone to lift your spirits to a new high. But who might that be; you ask? It’s a problem for everyone and only a handful; actually find those unique personalities who will take the time to offer a hand. It might come from a wife, a child, co-worker, boss or friend. The problem we face is our lack of understanding the art of listening. We may have someone who can do all things needed if we could learn to hear them, but most won’t or don’t know how.

I married young and my wife became my personal inspiration. She didn’t baby me or continually pat me on the back. What she did do was insist I do what was in my heart and then she stood by me every step of the way. We shared everything, smiles, arguments, conversation and most of all we listened to each other. In the early stages of my career I met a few very special men, and each one had a unique form of inspiration. Tony Curtis, Rock Hudson, Ernie Borgnine, Ronald Reagan, Dick Clark and a few others gave me both direction and foundation. These unique men took the time to help me to understand I could make a difference; all I had to do was take the time to do it.

As an actor, I learned to listen to the director and then was able to discover what it was he or she wanted and expected my character to achieve in order to become fully dimensional. It’s not easy, but once you get the handle it drips out smoothly. Directors, however, work on a budget and in almost all examples money rules their activity and how much time and patience they are willing to give an intimidated or insecure personality. It might be easier to recast the roll then it is to help fix a person’s insecurities.

As a director, I found a love for working with children and animals. Animals are fun, loose and are willing to try anything to please and offer unconditional love. If well trained they will work a trick and repeat it as many times as requested. Actors, on the other hand, usually have a multitude of personality perks. Some are temperamental; some pout or become with drawn, while others are insecure every moment they stand before the camera. Kids haven’t found their insecurities yet, at least most haven’t, and so working with them is fun. They listen, want to please and like animal actors, are willing to try anything within reason. All the kids I have worked have brought much joy to my heart. Some of their parents, however, are not fun to be around at all. One child I worked with had a mother who cared more for her accommodations and how much money the child made then she did the child. When wrapping a film, nothing feels better than to have a child wrap their arms around your neck and thank you and whisper they love you for being so nice to them.

Like every writer who puts words on paper, albeit for the screen or a novel, we adore hearing a good review of our work. We all hear derogatory stuff because there are many critics in all walks of life. A writer’s worst nightmare is a critic in print who has had a bad day. They see nothing good to the written word and tear it to pieces. Then a strange thing happens. The public reads this terrible work or an audience pays to see the movie you wrote, and they love it. The movie or novel makes money and sells well, and then the critic may come back and take praise for creating a unique situation that ultimately made the film or book a success.  When I teach a class or appear for a lecture, I tell my audience to expect to read or hear pessimism about a work and accept it. Not everyone will like or inspire you. Fact is, few will want to do that because they are jealous of you and could never match what you have accomplished. Everyone strives to do their best, and I am the first one to say one or a handful of negative reviews does not make or break a work or the artist who created it.

One of my favorite stories happened in Santa Barbara California. I had just sold a screenplay, shared a great lunch and was on my way home. I stopped for gas, a station that happened to be right next to McDonald’s restaurant. The handle on the gas hose was wet and after pumping the gas, I went to the restroom to wash my hands. On the way back to the car this homeless man asked if I could help him. He said he had just been given a bed at a local shelter, but couldn’t check in until after seven. He sadly mentioned he was hungry and didn’t have money for food. I had been ripped off in the past and was reluctant to give money to a man who looked like he would drink it away even when famished, so I suggested I buy him dinner. He smiled and took out his wallet. He opened it, and it was empty. His eyes found mine and I saw a spark, some pride that had been beaten down comes to life. He asked if I would give him the money and then accompany him inside McDonald's. He explained he wanted to pay for the meal himself so it wouldn’t look like a handout. I put five dollars in his wallet, and we entered McDonald's together. He proudly ordered his meal and when the girl hesitated to fill it, he took out his wallet and showed her he had the money. I asked him if he was trying to stay sober, and he said it was either that or death, and he wanted to live. When we parted I gave him twenty dollars, it would have been more but that was all I had at the time. His tears made that experience stay with me for a lot of years. I can still see his face and the twinkle in his eye. Without knowing or trying, he gave me a personal inspiration that can never be taken away. One short moment of generosity changed both of our lives. The kindness of the money made his life seem worthwhile living, and he showed me there was hope for all of us if we took the time to listen and help when and if we can.

Ask yourself, who gives you Personal Inspiration? Who in your life changed how you look at things, how you respond to those in need and then ask if you have ever taken the time to help someone who is not asking for help. Life is short. The older we get the faster our life vehicle seems to travel. Along the way, we are often given the opportunity to cause a change, to do something so rewarding we will never forget it. It has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with the foundation on which you built your life structure. Time is precious. Stop and take the time to do what is really important. Be inspired and give that gift to others. Many of them will return the favor by helping someone else. Love life and share your smiles often.

William Byron Hillman © 2012

Web site: http://www.williamhillman.com

Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/author/williamhillman

Book Links:

Let’s Sue ‘Em http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009M9E790

Veronique and Murray: http://tinyurl.com/8xrmmu7

The Hard Way: http://tinyurl.com/86hgtz6

Zebra’s Rock and Me http://tinyurl.com/7b28qu6

Rollie Kemp Books

Ghosts and Phantoms Part I: http://tinyurl.com/6wxef7g

Ghosts and Phantoms Part II: http://tinyurl.com/d7mtspu

APRIL: http://tinyurl.com/7gt9prd

Bad Rap (November 2012)

Coming soon:

Quigley’s Christmas Adventure (November 2012)

COMPROMISE

COMPROMISE

I know the first thing that usually comes to mind when you say compromise is politics, but the word itself also has a unique intellectual property attached. When you use the word it automatically puts the listener on the edge, anticipating an argument or God forbid an opinion.

I grew up in a house full of turmoil. Dad was a democrat, mom a republican and grandpa an independent with an open mind. That’s not to say he was not opinionated, but he always taught me to compromise. He said without compromise, there was no happiness, peace or resolve.

Dad and mom argued endlessly and mostly about nothing. Grandpa was a man of reason. He listened very carefully examined all the facts before he passed judgment. I found my grandpa’s attitude much more congenial to my personality, and so I found listening to him and others made more sense than to constantly be in turmoil.

In school, you learn all about compromise early on. It’s hard to get along with playmates and not be able to give a little and take some back.

As an actor there is constant compromise, or you look for another job. If you have an opinion on how a character should be played, and the director has a totally opposite concept, guess who wins? As much as I love to act, you still have to keep in mind that others hired you to fulfill their vision. Disagree or refuse to compromise and you find yourself looking for work more often then if you got along and went with the flow.

When I became a studio writer, the word compromise was printed in capital letters. You created a draft you love, and then the studio reads it, and they have that right because they hired you. Then they ask for re-writes and then more of the same. At times, you think you’ve ended up with an entirely new script. After they finished readjusting the story, a director is brought in, and he too wants his input, vision, and ideas and demands his changes be made. Your baby now takes on a whole new look with lots of compromises here and there to make everyone happy.

When producing a film, the compromise usually comes from others. You want things to go smoothly and yet keep the structure to the piece intact. Then you find the necessity to compromise because your vision won’t fit within the budget.

The same goes when I direct a film. You still compromise on just about all facets of the production. The wardrobe needs a change because your star doesn’t like what was chosen for him or her to wear, the shoes are wrong and his desk needs certain items not in the budget or on the product placement list. You’re forced to compromise.

As a full-blown filmmaker, you find producing, writing and directing the film will surely be easier and the need to compromise won’t come up as often but it doesn’t work that way. You actually discover very quickly the need to compromise when the budget you helped create is or might be soon exceeded from the original figure. That’s when you’re faced with both eyes to figure out a compromise and get back on schedule. There are times product placement won’t save you, or you can’t afford certain things such as cranes, lenses or camera use. What do you do? You compromise and find a substitute solution. In post-production, there are even more compromises with editing, cuts, music, effects, angles, cutting an actor out and more. It can be a nightmare if you haven’t learned the art of compromise. It’s amazing how many things must be changed from the first day of production to the last.

Writers have always been faced with compromise. If you have an editor, they see weaknesses in your story or the concept of the overall book, television or film script needs a polish or rewrite. In a novel, there are more changes, compromises and arguments than usually found in screenplays. Hearts can easily be broken; characters left in the dust and the storyline adjusted with so many changes it’s hard to recognize the original work. As a screenwriter, you write the script, make changes, polish it, perhaps have a re-write or two and then get a green light for production. In comes the actors and the director and guess what? They too have some ideas that a minor rewrite will solve. They say it’s only a few, just a tweak here and there, and it’s done. Then reality sets in, you cut some things that made the story work, the engine is gone and/or the character's dimension has been compromised. There’s that word again.

In a relationship, you can’t get through a week without compromise. The range is vast and covers just about everything you can think of from food to deserts, vacations, clothes, haircuts, makeup, vehicles, romance, what films or television shows you watch and what music you both can tolerate. There are other areas, but you get the idea. The main and most important subject usually settles on money and the household budget. Here you find restrictions that neither party may be happy with even when compromises are made. All parties know if the budget works, their lives will enjoy a total and completely happy environment. Romance will bloom; smiles prevail, and compatibility will live to see another day.

What it all comes down to is even in the work force, politics, and personal relationships; the need to compromise becomes paramount in all that we do. When we can no longer compromise to get along or work together, failure waits right around the corner. Let us not forget; everyone is replaceable, even though we hate to admit this, it’s true. There is no job, no one person from the top on down, that can’t be replaced.

The ultimate goal for all of us is to learn, listen, smile often and get along as best as can be tolerated. There are no doubts, we will never all get along smoothly nor will there be a lasting world peace that someone somewhere will refuse to act as expected and will impulsively spoil the wonderful for us all.

On the other hand, there is also no reason for us not to try to achieve a peaceful goal and enjoy life to the max. I like to remind everyone, a smile goes a long way.

Compromise is truly a grand word. As my grandpa once told me, be prepared during the whole of life to make concessions. The quality and elements in our lives may differ, but the ultimate goal for all of us is to accomplish and perhaps over-achieve what was first anticipated.

William Byron Hillman © 2012

Web site: http://www.williamhillman.com

Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/author/williamhillman

Book Links:

Veronique and Murray: http://tinyurl.com/8xrmmu7

The Hard Way: http://tinyurl.com/86hgtz6

Zebra’s Rock and Me http://tinyurl.com/7b28qu6

Rollie Kemp Books

Ghosts and Phantoms Part I: http://tinyurl.com/6wxef7g

Ghosts and Phantoms Part II: http://tinyurl.com/d7mtspu

APRIL: http://tinyurl.com/7gt9prd

Coming soon:

Let’s Sue ‘Em (October 2012)

Quigley’s Christmas Adventure (November 2012)